Who would I be if I grew up with different parents?

13 Years ago my 'coach' at the time asked me this question.  Over the years I would give it some thought, and saw it from the point of view that what I would have gained if I did not grow up in the household I grew up in.

But it is not really about what you would have gained, well maybe a small part is.  It is more about understanding what you would have lost.

I always tell people my story begin with a 3 year old child, wanting to play games at 3am in the morning.  That still happens to me from time to time :-).

I can only remember conversations and other events from a out 5.  I can still remember the first time I asked, "why am I here?" Why am I in this car at this moment with my mother in front of the wheel?  I knew the reason was we went to the post office to get mail, but why?  Who are these people that sends us letters?  How is it that even people you don't know can end up sending you mail.  Mum says it is called a chain letter.

Anyhow, I have considered before that I was born with a strong conviction and that growing up with my parents has taught me many things, even if it was showing me what I DON'T want for my own life.

What I have 't considered before this morning was that my convictions was formed up until the age of 7.  What if my mother talked to me during that time, using me as a sounding board for her life?  Warning me where the pitfalls are and guiding me as best she knew how, protecting me from the world?  What if I remembered all the hugs my dad gave me when I was young, lifting me up and drag me along on his leg, showing me the lighter and fun side of life.  Reciting poetry and telling me stories every night before I go to sleep.  

Wait! Those are memories too.  I can remember the day my dad told me I am too heavy to pull around with his leg, he was going to hurt his back.  I didn't believe him, he was so strong he could do anything.    I then started dancing with him, my feet on top of his so he can guide me where to but my feet.  Still today I dance with a little hop just like he did.

What if we can remember or at least observe our childhood when parents give us all their love and attention because they know we need it.  Before we grow old enough to start pushing them away in rebellion.  Sure we'll see the frustration of a screaming baby or demanding toddler.   The spanking because you were fighting with your sister, and suddenly dad was the common  enemy.  

Maybe... If we can only remember the happy moments.