Shadow and Light

SHADOW

If I loose control, I'll go mad
If people disappoint me, I never trust them again
I don't trust people who are always friendly
I am gulable and don't always express myself
If people know me they will judge me

LIGHT
I will always defend a person being attacked in their absence (verbally), even if I don't like them
I believe people are internally good
I know people make mistakes, including myself
Everyone is just as scared as I am
We are here to help each other, not judge

5 Faces of Anger

Inspired by the book: "Beating Anger"

CARING
When project leader sponsor is unfair towards part of the team and blame them for being themselves instead of recognising the true problem / potential. I get angry when others are treated unfairly but don't argue, just use silent treatment, or 'dikbek'.

SELF-DIMINISHING: Low Self-esteem
'I will reject myself before you reject me'
What are your needs and how can you meet them?
'It is okay for me feeling hurt but not for others'

I would criticize my work before someone else can do it. I should relax and let myself make mistakes. Learn as you go what others may need from you.

NUMB FACE:
May talk down to authority and this makes rest of the team negative! Don't dump your anger on someone else!

UNREALISTIC:
How I should be, how world/others should be. As long as you look at others imperfections, you avoid looking at your own. When we criticise others, we are trying to feel better about ourselves.

ADDICTIVE:
Painful feelings forced deep into unconscious manifest as addictive / compulsive disorders. Anything that is used inappropriately to alleviate pain and suffering.

Beating Anger

I cannot sleep, and I don't know why. My shoulder is tender again. I really need to excersise.

I'm reading 'beating anger' and the author suggest I keep a journal of all my feelings & experiences.

Anger has always been part of human existence, but the rules on how to express it changes through time.

Anger increases when fast foods are basic diet, as well as lack of role models.

Everyone has a unique experience of reality.
Assumptions --> Expectations --> Resentments

What is your thoughts, feelings, needs and desires?

When you learn about personal power, you derive meaning from WHO you are, not WHAT they do / money

Passive aggression can lead to depression.

If you are angry at me
I don't have to be angry at you
I do not have to become like you
Nor do I have to take responsibility for your anger

"In order to grow, you need something to push against". - Jung

Don't assume that people stay constant...

HOW PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE ARE YOU?

• Secrecy: I only say what is necessary, withholding information so that someone cannot use information against me, or make fun of my ideas / thoughts / dreams.
• Silent treatment: I would rather ignore someone / situation than to discuss the problem at hand (reactively)
• Play stupid / innocent: If I am not asked to participate in a situation, I stay quiet. If I know something, I pretend that I don't hear what is said, or that I don't know.
• Refuse Help: I find it very difficult to accept help from others. I will only accept it if I know I can return the favour soon, in double.
• Need things to be clean, tidy & in order: when upset I clean the kitchen / house to vent my anger. I am calmer afterwards.
• Avoidance: I will not answer every call I get if I do not feel up to it, same with mail.
• Put myself down: Expect myself to be perfect, never making a mistake so that I cannot be judged. I cannot stand judgement / criticism, so I will do it first so that others have to complement me to make me feel better.
• Under-achieving: Scared to be the best I can be. Afraid of failure. Comfortable to blame others for holding me back.
• Self-medicating with alcohol/food: when stressed, it is the first thing I grab!

HOW AGGRESSIVE ARE YOU?

• Sarcasm: Not very often, but I can get a hit in with a snitching comment and ignore the hurt it causes!

HOW ASSERTIVE ARE YOU?

• Direct, Honest: Non-aggressive body language
• Honour, morality, fairness, justice:
  Take responsibility for thoughts, feelings, behaviour
  Not abusing power
• Stick to the facts
• Stay in present moment
• Being clear about emotional boundaries
• Not attached to being liked or outcome
• remain calm & adult
  Need to:
  - Stay with issues until sorted out
  - Not take anything personally
  - commit to relationship / resolution no matter what
• Passion: Enthusiasm
• Sensitive to consequences of actions
• Have wit/humour
• Always looking for solution
• Open to learn/discover
  
• Be more able to:
  - hear people's anger & grievances
  - Admit own shortcomings
  - Sensitive to limitations of others (non-judgemental)

Dear Diary

May you find peace within these lines.

I pledge to start writing today.

It is now some time in the early morning.

Every day will be a new day, with new thoughts.

What I will do everyday:

1. Exercise my shoulder
2. Learn something new
3. Be thankful for every one/thing in my life