Scorpio

"No task is too great for the clever Scorpions. They master most anything. They have extremely charming manners that draw others. They solve difficult problems with ease. They are quick-witted, innovative, and they have total and intense belief in themselves. They are intellectual and their memory is phenomenal. They are the ultimate diplomats."

Happy Birthday Letter

Another year has gone with a blink of an eye.

First of all, let me say thank you to my mother who has yet again surprised me with a "happy birthday" gift from heaven. I went to a book sale two days before my birthday, and strolled leisurely through the many aisles of second hand books for sale for charity. After going through the $3 and $5 section and were ready to leave, my eye caught a section called "specially marked". My curiosity led me to the closed off area, where I found encyclopaedia type compilations of books.

As I walked fast past each table, merely glancing over the books, not really interested but taking in the variety, I suddenly register a very familiar site: the "Children's Encyclopaedia". I picked up one of the 20 volumes, and it felt so surreal, as if I'm 5 years old again. I paged through the familiar pages of my childhood books and smiled at every picture that greated me with pride. The pages were crisp and the books kept in immaculate condition. Not with the scribbles I left on my own set (suddenly repulsed by my own sense of destruction as a child).

These are the books that contained my loved poem "the king who sailed to the end of the earth" that I could rehearse from age twelve until this day (published on this very blog if you're interested). Was I pulled closer to the books, called to come and have a stroll through my memories? Did mother push me along? Reminding me that there were indeed happy times in my childhood, and in fact the very stories that formed my values, the pictures of foreign worlds not known to me at such a young age - feeding my curiosity.

Every picture taking me through a far felt emotion, the questions of what it all means. And with an instant I know: this is mother saying, "happy birthday, I love you".

Did I buy the books? If I don't buy them, some other child may get the opportunity to enjoy them, to form their life and to make them curious about life. Why would I buy books to hold on to the past? Their only value to me was to remember them, and as a communication link with the unseen world.

~~~

So much has happened since my last birthday: I found a job in our new country, and met many challenges and opportunities to grow. After my soul-search holiday of 6 months I finally took a position as an analyst for the public sector.

I had to get an entire new frame of reference for working life. The differences are contributed to various factors; a new country, new cultures, from private to public sector, from diverse functional teams, to a single function team. From a busy buzzing phone ringing fast pace environment and fire fighting customer problems, to the slow, methodical, painfully accurate environment of public analysis. I must have had a hand full of phone calls in the last year at work. Most of my dealings are by email, or face to face.

I’ve learned to negotiate requirements, to do only things others can understand and replicate. The words “team-work” has a whole new meaning for me. It is not the same as the sum of individuals, but to simulate ‘one-mind’ thinking as closely as possible to ensure continuity. Pretty much like the Borg. Where the borg queen decides the cause of action, and every single drone execute the decision. With the exception, that the borg queen does not mind when you suggest a different way of doing things, as long as there is a very good reason to change, and the rest of the drones are capable of adapting the new skills. With so many people coming and going, the only constant is the task at hand.

I have proven once again that I can adapt to any environment that I have to. However, there always seem to be a cost of locking yourself in an office every day. I have found a greater awareness here that your life journey should be enjoyable, where ever you are. There is not a tomorrow when life will start. This is it, and make the most of it. Enjoy the journey, because if your only focus is that things will change when you reach your destination (or when the task at hand is done) then you are constantly living a life of expectation and anticipation. We need to get some enjoyment from the journey as well, or else the destination will not mean much, or will prove to be an empty promise.

I have also began my degree in Psychology, but it ended faster than it started. The reason is really not because the work is too difficult, but because I realised that I do not want to spend a minute on things that does not bring me joy. This seems very childish and ignorant, but in actual fact we are the ones that fills our day with things to do. Yes, to some degree it is filled by our employer. But it is very important to be able to only give your employer the time he/she is paying you for. You do not get paid to be a zombie in front of the tellie, or a perfectionist cleaning cleaning cleaning away your life. You do that by choice.

Spend some time every day to do what you love, that is only for you. For me, that means something with photography. Since we arrived in NZ, I have this idea not to buy art to hang in the house, but to use my own photography. This year, I will make this happen. Unlock my creative gene. When I get a chance, I take photos, I will be willing to learn from others, and allow myself the chance to formulate my own style.

No matter who you are, where you live, and in what environment you find yourself. It seems if you are someone who are conscious of your existance (and not all humans are), you'll always have the drive to be more than what you already are.

So, this year, I wish you a year of calmness, and clear thought. Of living out your creativity, of less blame, judgements and worry. Of more joy, love, and laughter. Enjoy who you are, and what you are in the process of becoming.