Choose Your Paradigm

Lorna Patten is a personal developer consultant who helps people and businesses have open communication.

http://www.openup.com.au/

She have this to say:
"In the old paradigm we are convinced that the only way to BE really OK is to DO more than someone else, DO better than someone else, HAVE more than others and keep striving to DO and HAVE more. We think this will make us happy. It does not. In fact what it really serves to do is make us more fearful - afraid that one day we might lose it so we'd better hold on tight. This is not the way to inner peace and happiness. The new paradigm offers a path to inner peace and happiness that is yours for the choosing. And it is up to you to choose it."

Personal Paradigm

In the old paradigm, I thought I was not good enough, but now I know I am OK
In the old paradigm, I was grounded in FEAR, but now I am grounded in LOVE

When I forget who I really am, I am scattered,
and when I remember who I really am, I am centered

When I forget who I really am, I am aloof,
and when I remember who I really am, I am involved

When I forget who I really am, I worry,
and when I remember who I really am, I live in the now

When I forget who I really am, I don't matter
and when I remember who I really am, I make a difference

When I forget who I really am, I am trapped
and when I remember who I really am, I am free

It is not about doing good to get planet points, it's about being yourself and enjoying others, and get the planet points anyway...

Be

Books To Read

CULTURAL INTELLIGENCE
International Dimensions of organizaational behavior - Adler, Nacy 2002
Cutural Orientation: An approach to understanding intercultural communication - Borden, George 1991
Put your best foot forward series - Bosrock, Mary Murray 1990s

OPEN UP COMMUNICATION
Manifesting your destiny - Dr Wayne Dyer
Reawakening Spirit in the workplace - Jack Hawley
Awaken the Giant Within - Anthony Robbins
The Magic of Conflict, turing a life of work into a work of art - Thomas F Crum
Kitchen Table Wisdom - Rachel Naomi Remen
The Power of Now - Eckhart Tolle
The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz
Approaching th Corporate Heart - Margot Cairnes

Books, books, books!

Here follows a list of books I got from the library:

Finding Work
"The 2006 What color is your parachute" by Richard Nelson Bolles
"I don't know what I want, but I know it's not this: by Julie Jansen
"Fearless Interviewing" by Marky Stein
"The five-minute interview" by Richard H Beatty
"Mastering the Job interview and winning the money game" by Kate Wendleton
"Career helium" by David Thompson
"The perfect Cover Letter" by Richard H Beatty
"The Successful job interview" by Clare Sutton

Business
"Just enough Project Management" by Curtis R Cook
"Business Think" by Dave Marcum, Steve Smith and Mahan Khalsa
"101 Internet Businesses you can start from home" by Susan Seeney
"Telling ain't training" by Harold Stolovitch and Erica Keeps
"100 Training Games" by Gary Kroehnert
"From know-how to knowledge" by Bryan Gladstone
"E-Business Innovation and Change management" by Mohini Singh and Dianne Waddell
"Change Management in Information Services" by Lyndon Pugh
"New Zealand Marketing" by Michael Clemes and Andy van Ameyde
"Understanding Company Financial Statements" R H Parker
"Strategy and Management - NZ" by Bryan Poulin, Bob Mills and Dorothy Spiller

Soft Skills
"Cultural Intelligence" by Brooks peterson
"How to work a room" by Susan Roane
"Communication Skills" by David Pinner and Dorothy Pinner
"Managing Disagreement Constructively" by Herbert S Kindler
"Listening Skills" by Iam Mackay
"How to lose friends and infuriate people" by Jonar Nader

Happy Birthday - in New Zealand!

This is a birthday wish to myself.

WARNING: It contains content of the good, the bad, and the ugly. Sensitive people may be offended!

The Good...

KORU

In Maori culture, the Koru stands for new beginnings, new life, growth, peace and harmony.

This is my symbol for the year:

It was inspired by the native New Zealand fern frond.

(Photo was taken in Red Woods, Rotorua)

I plan to select a Maori symbol each year that represents the phase in my life. In the hope that I will read my own birthday letter each year, this is a reminder to myself to select a symbol if I have not yet done so.

Through my life it was apparent to me that some years are spend in change, and some on just rest until the next year of change. This year has truly been the year of some of the biggest changes in my life. It started last year November when we decided to move to a new country.

I’ve always wanted to work/live in another country and be able to learn from and with other cultures and ways of life. I wanted to explore how different people are, how they function within the boundaries of their upbringing and environment. It is only by experiencing those other lives for yourself that you can start to understand other cultures.

The year so far was filled with research, research and more research of everything we could find on other countries. As we were seeking a place to stay that holds morals that we value and offer a place where we can also make a difference, it became apparent that New Zealand was going to be our new home.

The bad...

Although many people come to New Zealand to 'run away' from South Africa, or because they believe their children will have a better life somewhere else, our reasons were somewhat more focused on experiencing new adventures. Imagine a place where you can cave, dive, ski (water and snow), sail, and other extreme sports of which many was born/invented in New Zealand.

However, we are forced to be pre-judged on all SA expats before us, and no matter what you say, people think we are all the same, or we are here for the same reason. And if you don't admit it, well, then you're just in 'denial'.

The people here are a diverse group of cultures such as Kiwis, Maori, Samoa, UK & Europe, Asia, India, USA, SA, and many more. Although the African cultures are very different from most other cultures, I find that here is a bigger blend of different cultures. So for you poor souls leaving SA because you can’t get along with other cultures: think again before you pack your bags. This is my playground for the next couple of years and I’m going to love it!

My biggest culture shock so far was not the kiwi's, but the ex SA people here. They that cannot wait to tell us we are only in the honeymoon phase and we will sooner or later start to complain just like them. Well I have this to say to them, if you are a complainer in SA, you will be a complainer anywhere in the world. Happiness is an attitude, not a reflection/result of your environment. Anyway, who says that the honeymoon should ever end?

The ugly...

If I ask for reasons or examples of what I supposedly would complain about, they say the following pointers below (with my response in brackets):

• NZ economy is not so strong (we knew that before we came here – no shocker, clearly you didn't do your research if you didn't know that. but look around you, most countries are battling today)
  
• The weather in winter will get you down (sure, we are prepared, we understand, we will survive like the rest of the 4 million New Zealanders. We didn’t come here to look for a sunny South Africa... duhhh. I hibernate most of winter anyway, best time to start writing my book!)
  
• Kiwi’s are friendly, but not hospitable (and the problem is? This sounds like me anyway. NZ culture is not to sit in the home and BBQ every weekend. It is to go tramping, cycling, skiing, diving, kayaking, running... join a club! No really, join a club and get out of the house. No one is going to invite you to dinner, make your own ice-cream!)
  
• Not all Kiwi’s like immigrants, and some might be downright rude (so what does it take to just walk away. No matter where you are, you will always find people who are not going to like you for some reason. And if someone prejudges me based on where I was born, well, that is their loss then. I’m not going to lose some sleep about it. What I will say is, imagine you are in their shoes where people enter and leave their country in thousands each year. It is part of the culture. And for those who believe we are just here to take what we can get and then leave again, sometimes they are right. So maybe in some cases it is understandable that they don’t like immigrants. I have only felt welcome so far, and from what I've seen the country makes a good effort to make us feel welcome and encourage us to stay).
  
• Kiwi’s are lazy (this is like saying South Africans are racist, Indians are crooks, Greeks are rude, Americans are arrogant, English is stuck-up... (Should I go on?) Generalization is the enemy of well being at getting along with your fellow humans. Is the glass half empty or half full? I say, are you going to drink that?! One must be very carefull of stereotypes (me included)
  
• Most New Zealanders are atheists and that is why they drink so much / have so many suicides (what? Look at the statistics before you say anything. 50% are Christian, another 20% follow other religions, 10% do not want to say what they believe, and 20% are of no religion/acnostic. That doesn’t mean they are atheists. )
  
  Whether that is the reason for drinking/suicides, who knows? What it is, is a call for help, desperation of not being able to cope with a world who is full of people who judge and discriminate. Are you doing something to help, or are you just going to sit there on your high horse and judge?
  
  I can just tell you that it is a very wild and incorrect assumption to think that non-religious people have no morals. I heard this inevitable truth the other day:
  
  “Morality is about doing right, regardless of what you are told.
  Religion is about doing what you are told, regardless if it is right”

In my opinion, most people thought life is going to be perfect here. They've critisised SA so much that they had to validate why they left everything. Frankly I believe that is just impractical and wishful thinking to believe there is a place with no problems. Where ever you are, there will be people you will love, and love to hate. There will be economical problems, there will be politics, there will be issues like crime, utilities, morals and ethics, religious conflict. There will be parents/children/sibling fights and friction. Flick that chip of your shoulder and become real. No one is going to clean up after you, so abandon your master/slave mentality. Here we are all equal. And I love it!

Well, now that I have that off my chest, bring me the bullet proof vest, I think I’m going to need it!

The good...

5 GUIDELINES FOR 2009
I want to close off with a message to every ex SA person in NZ (or anywhere else). And maybe one day, when the honeymoon is over like people here like to say, I hope this is a reminder to myself as well, that I don’t fall into the negativity trap like so many of the people we meet.

1. Count Your Blessings
   No matter where you are, who you are, or what you have. There is always something to be grateful for. If you lead a life of gratitude, you will except that you don’t always get what you want, because you are not all that counts.
   
2. Give Something Back
   Reach OutBefore you start complaining about what you don’t get out of life, ask yourself what did you give back lately. Is your life around only you and your family, or are you reaching out to others who may need a word of encouragement, or just a smile, or a happy laugh to help them through the tough times. Don’t always think money when you give, think love.
   
3. Balance your day between Musts and Wants
   Do what you must do, to remind you that we are not just here for ourselves. But do also what you want to do, to remind you that you are also special and important. Part of New Zealand’s lifestyle is to understand and experience the balance between work and the rest of your life. This is one of the biggest reasons why you are here. Don’t let your old habits of working too hard, or just doing the mundane routine stuff every day. Do something that is just for you, something you haven’t done before. Something special that will make you feel alive.
   
4. Treat Everyone with Respect, yes; EVERYONE
   Everyone is here for a reason. We are all related, whether we want to admit it or not. If you judge your neighbour, you are judging yourself. People grew up in different places, different rules and different cultures. We are from the same earth, but we have different mannerisms, different beliefs, and different behaviours. But one thing is true, the one language anybody understand, is a smile. No matter who you are, where you’re from or where you are going to, nothing makes a difference like a sincere smile, and a simple act of kindness. Be kind to others, be humble, and be loved.
   
5. Create a New Life - That is why you here
   So many, many people choose to hold on to their old lives and beliefs and do not want to change. Don’t spend your time talking about a country you don’t live in anymore, enjoy the one you are in. Most people spend most of their time in this beautiful country comparing it with what they know, and where they come from. Don’t be so rigid that you do not allow yourself to become something new. By closing yourself to the environment around you, you are withholding a brand new life that awaits you. Like the popular business book title says, “Let go to grow”. Stop complaining and start living!

KORU: My gift to you is a New Beginning, a new life where everything you know are challenged to the core, until the very truth is all that is left. I leave you bare to Grow and experience life as if for the very first time. I send two of my best friends with you, Peace and Harmony, to keep you safe and warm where ever you may be.

Happy birthday, my close and dear friend. You will get through anything life throws at you, because of who you are. You will rise above any adversity, and you will do all this while the universe is moulding you into a new form. This experience: moving to New Zealand, has surely saved your life!

New Zealand's Silver Fern:

May you be green from the outside, willing to grow, learn, change and experience
May you be silver from the inside, shining with love for nature and animals, and patience with your fellow human beings

- Anakin