Feeling Depressed

Demartini has an insightful way of dealing with depression.  No one person has all the answers, and not everything anyone says can be  taken as truth. It is common to state that your happiness (or lack of) cannot be resolved external from yourself.  Instead of looking externally, depression should be addressed internally.  We may have gotten used to the idea that depression is a clinical condition, but more than often it is because we are comparing our reality to a fantasy of what we think our life should be like, and we fall into a sense of unhappiness.

This is caused due to an unrealistic expectation of ourselves or someone else.  If you set expectation on yourself or someone else other than what really is, we set ourselves up for disappointment.

The ABCs of depression:

Anger at the world
Blame of self
Critical of others
Despair

Depression is your body's way of telling you you have unrealistic expectations.  Use it as an indicator that
something is not in balance.

Depression is the comparison of your current reality to unrealistic expectations that you are addicted to.  As long as you are addicted to anything that is a fantasy, that there is going to be a benefit without a drawback, peace without a war, nice without a mean, kind without a cruel, gain without a loss or any one-sided world, the other pole is there to balance you and give you feedback to help you set realistic expectations on real goals, to what is true and reset your life to a state of gratitude of what you.

Stop, think of what you are depressed about, what are you comparing your life to, what are you holding on to.

What would be the drawback if that was real?
What are the benefits my current state has?

No matter what you do there will always be a benefit with a drawback.

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What does this mean for me, today?

When you sit down to explore the reasons you are down, you may want to start saying things that will hurt others, so you don't say it.  But in order to get over the hurdle of how ridiculous the fantasy is,  I will need to explore some reasons for my supposedly depressing state.

I find myself in this avenue many times before, thinking that life can be different.  If only...   Interesting that the above advice is not to wallow any longer in the benefits of the fantasy, but rather the drawbacks.  And then to dwell on the benefits of reality, current state, to balance the automatic thoughts in favour of the fantasy.

So lets give it a go.

What are the drawbacks of the fantasy of being alone:

• When you are not in a relationship, you have no choice but to be alone.
• Life persists with what you resists, by removing people from your life does not mean you're dealing with the anger, fear and denial.  Others will show up eventually, presenting the same problem with a different face.
• You will not have more intimacy alone than when you do with a loved one.  
• Your fear will follow you everywhere until you deal with it.
• A busy life is not a happy life

What are the benefits of the current state:

• In a relationship, you have the choice of being alone, as long as you allow yourself to enjoy it without guilt.
• Have someone to share life with, it is your own choice if that life is shared on a couch
• I have someone who loves me
• I have 2 beautiful kids and a nice house
• I have a job to put food on the table

What a contrast to think of the other side of the coin.  To often we think of the drawbacks of our current state and the benefits of a fantasy.  Even when the fantasy come true, it is never as great as it seemed.

What am I going to change to find more joy?

• Get off the couch!!!!
• Complete writing my love strategy
• Sing and play guitar once a week
• Hang pictures of our life together
• Start a shrine
• Go to the beach, even if it is cold!